Last semester I enrolled in an introduction to Sociology course. We were periodically given journal assignments that had to relate to the chapter we were in, which at this time was "family dynamics". Though there is nothing dramatic revealed here, it is still very personal to me. I don't usually choose to speak of issues this close to me via the internet... but it took me a long time to be able to express my emotions regarding my childhood without hurt or anger, and writing this journal allowed me to put it all in an honest, positive light. I post this only for my own benefit, and if you can relate to my feelings or reading helps you understand me clearer in the slightest, I'll consider it a plus.
Tahni Rollans
11/28/11
SM 121
Osborne
Journal #3
My family structure has never been traditional. Growing up my household was almost always matrilocal because me, my sister, and my parents have lived with my mother’s parents for the majority of my life. My house has always been filled with extended family at one point or another. If we weren’t living with my grandparents, we were living with my cousins, or my aunt, or my uncle, or all of them at once. My household and the members in my family do not fit the roles society would normally place upon them.
Although my parents are divorced they have (mostly) been together for over 10 years post-divorce and over 20 years in total. Staying together after divorce not only breaks a social norm, but also confuses many people whom I try to explain the situation to. Most of my life my mother was in charge of the productive work (with the exception of bearing children), which involves the actual manufacture of food, clothing, and shelter and the tools necessary to produce them. My mom has always been the breadwinner between my parents and she’s always worked in food service. My father on the other hand, has on-and-off problems with addiction, so during his sober periods he has usually been the reproductive worker or the one who manages the household (at least to the best of his ability). These are the dynamics between my two parents. However, there have always been many people who contribute to my household.
My grandparents are much more traditional. My grandfather had always been the productive worker. He had owned restaurants and businesses through out his lifetime and had literally built several of the homes we lived in from the ground up. (I’ll take a second to brag and say he was in his 60’s during the construction of the last home he built, with the help of only a few contractors). He was definitely a handyman who could be counted on to get the job done. My grandmother has always been a very traditional wife… a true reproductive worker. She made sure the house was clean, the laundry was done, and dinner was on the table. Since my mother was almost always at work growing up and my father was often times not around, my grandmother took much of the responsibility when it came to rearing my sister and I. My grandmother influenced much of my morals and values during the younger years of my life.
There had been many influences in my life during my childhood. I spent much of my time with my babysitter, a very close friend of the family, who became another grandmother to me and taught me how to scrapbook, weave, and cook. Without her, I most likely would not have learned these things because my mother is not the domestic type and my grandmother too busy to teach me. I also spent a lot of time during my adolescence with my uncle (who is a pastor) and his family, which I can easily say influenced my religious beliefs and moral values. They still have an influence on me today and I am still informally sanctioned when they believe I am not conforming to their beliefs. The dynamics of my family have always been out-of-the-norm.
There was a period of time as a young child that my household structure was more traditional in the sense that it was only my parents, sister, and I living in the home. Since my father was not the most reliable person it was often up to me to make sure my sister was fed, her diaper was changed and her scrapes were bandaged, since my mother was very often at work. This obviously had a great deal of influence on who I am today as well. There were many times I was help accountable for my sister's well-being and protection. Though it was difficult on me, I believe it has had an overall positive effect of who I have become.
Although my family structure was not ideal and the responsibilities placed upon me have not always been easy, I appreciate the influence the many different dynamics in my family structure have had on me. Rather than being raised with the isolated ideology and child rearing practices of my parents, I have also been raised with the many different ideologies and practices of my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends. I have had numerous different perspectives handed to me regarding the same situations. This has helped me become an objective thinker, and have (at least I like to think) a down-to-earth personality. It’s like I’ve been able to take the best of each person in my life’s ideas and mash them all together to create something completely my own, something kids in “normal” households, may not have the opportunity to do.
Although my parents are divorced they have (mostly) been together for over 10 years post-divorce and over 20 years in total. Staying together after divorce not only breaks a social norm, but also confuses many people whom I try to explain the situation to. Most of my life my mother was in charge of the productive work (with the exception of bearing children), which involves the actual manufacture of food, clothing, and shelter and the tools necessary to produce them. My mom has always been the breadwinner between my parents and she’s always worked in food service. My father on the other hand, has on-and-off problems with addiction, so during his sober periods he has usually been the reproductive worker or the one who manages the household (at least to the best of his ability). These are the dynamics between my two parents. However, there have always been many people who contribute to my household.
My grandparents are much more traditional. My grandfather had always been the productive worker. He had owned restaurants and businesses through out his lifetime and had literally built several of the homes we lived in from the ground up. (I’ll take a second to brag and say he was in his 60’s during the construction of the last home he built, with the help of only a few contractors). He was definitely a handyman who could be counted on to get the job done. My grandmother has always been a very traditional wife… a true reproductive worker. She made sure the house was clean, the laundry was done, and dinner was on the table. Since my mother was almost always at work growing up and my father was often times not around, my grandmother took much of the responsibility when it came to rearing my sister and I. My grandmother influenced much of my morals and values during the younger years of my life.
There had been many influences in my life during my childhood. I spent much of my time with my babysitter, a very close friend of the family, who became another grandmother to me and taught me how to scrapbook, weave, and cook. Without her, I most likely would not have learned these things because my mother is not the domestic type and my grandmother too busy to teach me. I also spent a lot of time during my adolescence with my uncle (who is a pastor) and his family, which I can easily say influenced my religious beliefs and moral values. They still have an influence on me today and I am still informally sanctioned when they believe I am not conforming to their beliefs. The dynamics of my family have always been out-of-the-norm.
There was a period of time as a young child that my household structure was more traditional in the sense that it was only my parents, sister, and I living in the home. Since my father was not the most reliable person it was often up to me to make sure my sister was fed, her diaper was changed and her scrapes were bandaged, since my mother was very often at work. This obviously had a great deal of influence on who I am today as well. There were many times I was help accountable for my sister's well-being and protection. Though it was difficult on me, I believe it has had an overall positive effect of who I have become.
Although my family structure was not ideal and the responsibilities placed upon me have not always been easy, I appreciate the influence the many different dynamics in my family structure have had on me. Rather than being raised with the isolated ideology and child rearing practices of my parents, I have also been raised with the many different ideologies and practices of my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends. I have had numerous different perspectives handed to me regarding the same situations. This has helped me become an objective thinker, and have (at least I like to think) a down-to-earth personality. It’s like I’ve been able to take the best of each person in my life’s ideas and mash them all together to create something completely my own, something kids in “normal” households, may not have the opportunity to do.
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